


Why I'm Here

by NightcoreNation



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Feels, M/M, Sad, mention of suicide, mentions of noncon, past traumas, winners choice au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-01-13 11:53:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18468412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightcoreNation/pseuds/NightcoreNation
Summary: The night of the finals loss causes a chain of events that make Sergen learn more about Jesper, and why he really came to NA.It turns out the LEC has a long-standing secret that no one but the players knows about.





	1. Self-Blame and Panic Attacks: A Lovely Pair

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm depressed that TSM lost, but I kinda got inspired by all the winners choice aus going around, but I kinda had the idea of exploring a different side of the au. I'll add more tags of who exactly is involved when I know myself(maybe if you comment a player, I'll try to include them, but no promises).
> 
> Warnings: mentions of suicide, rape/noncon
> 
> I hope you enjoy this two-parter!

Sergen doesn't remember how they got there, but he quickly forgets that and slowly walks towards the figure whose legs are dangling over the hotel roof. His pale hair was a windblown mess. Sergen tried his best to be quiet for once in his life as he walked toward his teammate, his friend, but his legs were steel and he was straining at every step he took. 

"I did that Sergen."

His voice was far off, his eyes were empty as he turned around to look at him. "Jesper, it's a team game, we all inted, we all did that," Sergen tried to reason with him, tried to get through to him. He was so close to being able to put a hand on Jesper's shoulder to pull him away from the edge, or at least go down with him. Sergen would be damned if he let this happen, he was not going to lose Jesper. 

"We all inted, but I had the game losing int. BB, never change," Jesper's mouth curved up the slightest amount when he looked back for the last time. As hard as Sergen tried to run, he couldn't, he was running in slow-motion, his legs were too short, everything was wrong. Sergen wished it was Søren to discover Jesper on the rooftop, he would know what to do, he always knows what to do, what to say, even the right tone of voice to use, but Søren wasn't here. It was only Sergen with Jesper who was now humming a song that sounded it belonged on a Spotify playlist labeled: Depressed and in need of Death. 

"Jesper, you never change, and I specifically mean the whole alive thing. Don't change that," Sergen was inches from the man whose dry, dirty humor he appreciated so much, who sometimes acted like an idiot but was so smart when it came down to the game. 

Jesper chuckled, "I'm a team player, and it's what is best for the team. I wish you didn't have to see this, but it's time I join my career." At that moment Sergen finally managed to channel all the energy that he had remaining and put a hand on Jesper's shoulder just as he pushed himself over the edge, knowing that Sergen would never in a million years hold on to him. Jesper was wrong. 

Sergen acted on pure instincts as he hugged Jesper as tight as he could as they both started to freefall. He could feel Jesper trying to shift their positioning so that Sergen would land on top of him when they hit the ground in a few seconds, trying his best to protect the younger from what he had done. As Sergen tucked his head into Jesper's neck, he shot straight up into a sitting position in his bed. 

Sergen's breath was heavy and his vision blurry. He tried his best to not wake up the sleeping midlaner in the bed next to him as he clumsily reached for his glasses on the nightstand between his and Søren's beds. As he tried his best to make out the shape of his glasses, he nearly knocked down what he assumed was a glass of water that wasn't there the night before but managed to just stop the glass from wobbling before it fell. Sergen moved the glass so it wasn't at risk of causing a mess as he continued the search for his glasses. As he felt over the table he felt a piece of paper resting on none other than his glasses. He quickly put them on and read the note.

_Hey, I didn't want to wake you up, but me and some of the guys went for breakfast, don't worry, will bring you some food. -Søren_

"He's such a dad," Sergen laughed, forgetting about everything and just remembering all the little ways Søren truly did treat him like a child, or at least his little brother. It was then he looked up to see the bed of the person he was terrified of waking up neatly made. He was really fucking blind. 

Sergen looked over to his phone that was on the precipice of falling off his bed, but he didn't make any move for it. He didn't want to go on the internet for a while. Instead, Sergen got out of bed, giving himself a quick once over in the hotel's floor-length mirror, attempting to make his hair look somewhat presentable, but he came to the realization that it didn't matter. He was going to see someone who was in no way going to judge him on how his hair looked, and who definitely did not go out to breakfast with the rest of the team. 

As Sergen made his way out of his room, with nothing but the clothes on his back, he tried his best to remember which room belonged to the teammate he was looking for. All he knew was that it was a room in a five-room radius of his room, so hopefully, he could guess quickly. 

After a few rooms of no one answering, and one where total strangers looked mad that he woke them up from most likely their post-sex sleep, Sergen finally heard the voice he was looking for, "I don't need a maid right now."

Sergen laughed, "I'm not Sneaky, but I respect it," trying his best to humor his depressed adc. It was no question that he blamed himself for that series, he didn't need  _that_  kind of dream to recognize it. Everyone that watched that game and new Jesper in the least would know that he was blaming himself. 

"Not in the mood BB," Jesper sounded like he was still lying in his bed, but Sergen couldn't blame him. He questioned if he hadn't had that dream if he would actually be outside of Jesper's hotel room. Sergen didn't know the answer. 

"Didn't ask. I also kinda don't have my phone, room key, or wallet, so it's either you let me in, or I sit outside your door until I annoy you enough for you to let me in," Sergen heard shuffling and knew he had won. Jesper was stubborn, but he could never be more stubborn than Sergen. Let's just say after being called hobbit for the millionth time, Sergen didn't stop calling Jesper anything but his name. Some of his favorites included: Hairline, Ezreal, and his personal favorite/Jesper's least favorite: Rekkles. 

As the door opened, Sergen was greeted by Jesper, who was in a plain grey and black TSM shirt, black shorts, and whose face seemed to have a frown engraved on it. Sergen wasn't planning on nearly tackling him after the first second of the door being open, but it just happened. Jesper nearly fell backwards, but luckily there was a wall to help catch the two from falling. 

"Are, are you okay?" Jesper asked questioningly, not sure how to respond to the boy wrapped around his torso other than to wrap his arms around him and rub circles on his back. 

Sergen let go and composed himself, scratching the back of his neck as he let out a shaky laugh, "Uh, yeah, just a bad dream, and wanted to make sure you were okay." Jesper started to lead him to the bed farthest from the door, who he presumed belonged to the older. 

Jesper sat and looked out of the window while asking, "What did you dream about?"

"Stuff," Sergen said, regretting that he had mentioned his dream whatsoever, but than Jesper gave him that look, eyes stern, lips pursed. His dream just spilled out after that, every detail he remembered about how he couldn't move, how he couldn't do anything to help, how helpless he felt, how he wished that someone else was on the rooftop that wasn't him, how he grabbed Jesper and didn't let go because he didn't want to leave him. 

"I'm sorry," was the only thing that Jesper said as he continued staring a hole through the sliding glass door that led a small balcony. 

"Don't be, and don't blame yourself, we all have bad moments," Jesper turned his head as he raised his eyebrow quizzically at Sergen, "Yours was just in game 5 of the finals, we still have time to prove ourselves." 

"You do, I don't. Let's be honest after that last game I doubt I'll be coming back, maybe in Summer, but my contract is going to run out. Do you really think that Andy will resign me after I cost him a hundred thousand dollars?" Jesper's breath shook the more he talked. 

Sergen locked eye contact with Jesper, "He will after we win worlds."

Jesper couldn't help but chuckle, "You're really something, and you will really go on to make history my little hobbit."

"As will you Rekkles," it was silent for a moment, so of course Sergen decided to talk, "So, who do you think will win EU?"

Jesper contemplated for a minute, which fit great with his whole "not stop staring out of the window" aesthetic, which almost made Sergen laugh. "As much as I want Mithy to win, G2 just seems so good."

"Yeah, but imagine how good it will be if he does win, you can never count anyone out in League," Sergen said, trying to give Jesper's best friend the benefit of the doubt. Sergen knew that they still talked and were close, so he truly did hope that Origen would win, since maybe that would make Jesper happier. 

Jesper turned to him, readjusting so he was sitting cross-legged on the bed, "Maybe, I-I just don't want him to lose, especially 0-3."

"I can't imagine how much that would suck," Sergen replied, copying Jesper's sitting position. 

Jesper's eyes opened wide for second, old memories that he had tried to push away from the surface of his mind resurfacing in vivid imagery making him shake, "You, you have no idea."

"Jesper, are you okay? What happened? Did I say something?" Sergen was panicking because Jesper was shaking and he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to get him to stop, so Sergen just grabbed his hands, "Hey, you're fine, just focusing on me, okay? Breathing, breathing is important, you should do that, just try to listen to my voice, breathe with me." To Sergen's total shock it looked as if whatever had come over Jesper was slowly coming to an end. "What was that about? Did I do something?"

"No, you did nothing Sergen. It was all me," Jesper's breath was still shaky, but it was an improvement from his raspy, short breaths that were just able to fill his lungs with oxygen.

"Has this ever happened before?" Sergen was now evaluating Jesper more closely, trying to figure out if anything was physically wrong with him.

Jesper caught on, "My body is fine, everything that is wrong is right here," he explained, pointing to his head. "And yes, this has happened before. Sorry, it usually doesn't happen in front of people, or at least anyone on this team."

"You've done this around Mithy," Jesper nodded, "What did I say to do this to you?" Sergen asked as he finally let go of Jesper's hands that neither realized were still tangled in each other. 

Jesper sighed, as he started staring out of the window again, "You just said something that reminded me of a tradition that I didn't really like."

Sergen was curious, but he didn't want to push Jesper away, "Do you want to tell me?"

Jesper shivered, "Winner's choice."

Sergen furrowed his eyebrows, confused as to what possibly that could mean, so he just looked at Jesper, letting him take his time with his explanation. He took a breath, "The winner of any game you play in EU, regular season and playoffs, gets to pick the player they want from the losing team. Then they do whatever they want with them." 

"What do you-," Sergen caught himself off with realization, "Oh, you had to, they got to do that with you, even if you didn't," he couldn't finish his sentence. How could he?

Jesper answered him with a nod, "They did whatever they wanted to their choice, to me."

"You don't have to talk about it more if you think it will trigger more panic attacks," Sergen explained as his hand moved to Jesper's knee as he traced circles on it. 

"No, I think it will be good for someone to know, have someone that I can go to if something happened and I think about what they did to me." Jesper moved and propped up two pillows against the headboard of his bed, lifting up the blanket, inviting Sergen to join him. "You might as well get comfortable, this is going to be a long story."

 

 


	2. The Origen of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this part came out longer than I initially thought, so we're going to have at least a part 3! Get ready for a little feels and a tad bit of smut(i don't think it can be classified as smut, but so what).

**__** __

Jesper leaned back, not knowing where to start exactly, it wasn't like he ever had to tell anyone his story, Alfonso lived it with him. All he needed was one person to be by his side, to make him think of all their happy moments when he started to think of the rough hands grabbing his hair and snatching at his skin. The only hands Jesper remembered were demanding, bending him into positions he never believed that his body could contort into. As Jesper started to picture the face of the man whose grip caused him the most pain, and whose icy eyes pierced through his soul he felt a hand on top of his. Jesper opened his eyes, images of skin and ghostly white bed sheets slowly faded to the back of his mind as he looked at Sergen. He was so innocent, so pure, and Jesper couldn't help but think that maybe he shouldn't tell that beautiful mind a word, but Sergen didn't want that. As Jesper felt his hand squeezing him, he came to realize that even though he didn't want to share his darkness with Sergen, it would lessen the amount swirling around in his mind. 

"I guess we'll start at the origin," Jesper paused as they both giggled at his pun. "I didn't know anything about it my first year. My team was good with keeping it a secret from me and Mithy. I never thought much of it when one of them just disappeared right after a game or on an off-day and came back looking exhausted. I never thought anything of it, neither of us did. I got through my first split with only losing a few games, but the second split was a little harder. As we lost more, Paul, Maurice, and especially Enrique seemed more and more exhausted. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why that was happening, but they still sometimes seemed normal. They would still make jokes about me being a baby, and Mithy being toxic, so I thought everything was fine, that the honeymoon phase was over. Then we lost the finals to G2, and that was the start of everything."

_They were all in Enrique and Paul's hotel room. Jesper wasn't as sad as he should have been. He was a realist after all and he knew that G2 had already beat them twice in the regular season. He was still disappointed though_ _, they all were. Despite knowing that G2 was the better team, they still had fantasies of lifting the trophy and making the underdog run to victory. They were still crushed when their nexus exploded for the third time._

_Jesper was scrolling through his phone on random Reddit threads that had nothing to do with League, waiting for someone to say anything. Enrique had messaged Mithy for both of them to come to his room, but so far, they had done nothing except be on their phones while the other three kept giving each other looks that Jesper couldn't read._

_Finally, Enrique said something, "So uh, you might have wondered why we've-"_

_"Oh my God, don't make this sound like a fucking funeral," Maurice interrupted, before continuing, "So you know like, how sometimes we disappear after we lose a for a few hours, well, we were trying to hide it from you guys, since neither of you were here last year when it started, since Jesper still sucked, and Alfonso was banned.  Well, stuff changes in a year, so-"_

_"Maurice you were in fucking NA," Mithy chimed into the conversation since nobody would ever let the jungler live down the fact that the only way he could win a trophy was in the weakest region._

_Jesper than spoke up, "Can you guys just get to the point already?" He was tired of all the back and forth and people trying to get around saying whatever they wanted to._

_"Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted," Maurice paused and gave Mithy a pointed glare, "A new tradition has kinda been introduced in EU, we kinda tried to not tell you about it since we didn't know how you guys would feel, but that's kinda impossible now. So, uh, every time we lost and it seemed like we disappeared we actually went to another team's gaming house."_

_"Okay..." Mithy's eyebrows furrowed as he spoke, "And what does this have to do with us?" he motioned to Jesper and himself as he looked to Maurice to give him an answer since unsurprisingly he was doing all the talking._

_"Well, that's a good question," Maurice sighed, realizing he had to get to the point and couldn't stall any longer, "So, we um, were picked by the team that won, well one of us was picked, and than we did anything that the team that beat us wanted us to do."_

_"What do you mean by any-" Jesper was cut off mid-sentence by Mithy shouting, "Is that where the hickey came from?"_

_Apparently, the question was aimed at Paul who just nodded, which was the most he had contributed to the conversation._

_That's when Jesper realized why they were having the conversation, the others could barely even hear him as he whispered out, "G2 chose one of us."_

_"Well, you're half right, G2 picked both of you."_

"Did they really just lie to the both of you for a year until they were forced not to? How could they do that?" Sergen asked while turning his head to look at Jesper. He couldn't wrap the idea of people you called your friends for years just lying about something that important. 

Jesper looked sad, "I like to believe they did it to protect us, to make it feel like LCS was as amazing as what we thought it was. I know Mithy has tried to ask them why, but they would never tell him." What Jesper didn't say was how he wanted to so badly know why his friends would hide that from him. He wanted to just know that it wasn't because of him, that the start of the destruction of his old team wasn't his own fault. 

Sergen was still confused, "How did G2 pick both of you?" 

"Well, we lost that series 3-1, and how many games you lose by how many players get picked. If it was 3-0 they would pick 3, and if it was 3-2 they would pick one. Finals is different from the regular season," Jesper explained. 

"What happened next?" Sergen asked, completely enthralled with the story Jesper was telling, not wanting to forget a single detail. 

"We went to G2."

_They stormed out of the hotel room. He didn't know where they were going or what to even do when they got there. All he knew was that he didn't want to be around his team anymore, he didn't want to look at them, he didn't want to talk to them. They had lied to him for nearly a year as they snuck around behind his back. So, Jesper got up and left as soon as he heard that both of them were supposed to go to the team that they had just lost to and let them do whatever the fuck they wanted to him. That was not happening, apparently, Alfonso had the same idea as him, since he had followed Jesper out of the room, pushing Enrique's hand off of him as he tried to make them stay._

_They didn't stop walking, Jesper's legs wouldn't stop until they were a good half mile from the hotel. Well, he would have gone further if it wasn't for Mithy's hand on his arm._

_"Jesper," he sounded like he had never walked in his life and had just run a marathon, "What are we doing? Neither of us knows our way around Rotterdam, and unless you have your wallet with you since I certainly don't, we have to go back to the hotel eventually."_

_"I know," Jesper sighed as he plopped down on the nearest open bench he could find in the busy square buzzing with drunk people, and those still looking for the perfect bar. "I just also know that I don't want to be anywhere near them right now. They lied to us Fonso, for a whole fucking year, and they wanted us to go have sex with all of G2 when I've never even had sex at all!"_

_Alfonso looked at Jesper before looking down at his phone, "Maybe I should go, I'll talk to Perkz, explain what happened, say that he's lucky that he got me, and to forget about you."_

_"No-"_

_"Jes, every team does it, and I'm scared. What if word gets around that we refused to do it? What if no team will sign us because we refused? What if we do get signed, but every time we lose one of us gets picked out of spite?" Alfonso continued with his point, wanting to get through to his friend._

_Jesper shook his head, "You didn't let me finish." Jesper turned his head to look at Alfonso, "No, we are partners, and we are doing this together. Message Perkz, tell him to give us the address to the hotel."_

_Jesper's confidence quickly dwindled as he actually met the midlaner in his hotel room. Apparently, the team wanted to take both of them one at a time, and since Perkz wanted to go first, Perkz was going first. Jesper couldn't believe that he was going to lose his virginity to one of the cockiest assholes he has ever had the displeasure of meeting._

_Mithy spoke first as they sat down on the only bed in the room, "Okay Perkz, what do you want to do?" His voice didn't exactly scream excitement, but it was pretty easy to tell how they were both feeling by their fidgety fingers, and slouched over backs.  
_

_"One," Perkz said eyeing both of them up and down, "It's Luka. Two, unlike most people I actually care about how you two feel, so safewords are green, yellow, red, and I assume you know what they mean." Luka waited for both of them to nod before continuing, "Three, relax and have fun, believe it or not, I enjoy when my partners like what is going on."_

_Luka turned to Jesper first smiling as he couldn't help himself from plopping down right on his lap as he leaned in for his lips. Jesper had never kissed anyone before, so he didn't really know what to expect, but he definitely didn't expect for Luka to bite down on his bottom lip than stick his tongue down Jesper's throat. It took all of the self-control he had not to gag and push Luka away._

_Jesper opened his eyes in surprise as Luka pushed him so his back was now flat against the bed. Luka's eyes were only open for a split second because Alfonso started to work on Luka's neck. Jesper appreciated the break Alfonso was giving him to digest all of the things that he had just done for the first time. It wasn't much of a break though since Luka was now straddling his hips and periodically pushing against his crotch to the point that Jesper could feel Luka starting to get hard through his jeans._

_Jesper could feel himself getting turned on as Luka managed to get Alfonso far enough away from his neck so he could start making out with Jesper again. The inexperienced one tried his best to keep up with Luka's fast pace but just couldn't move his lips as skillfully as the younger. Luka than target Jesper's neck as his hands wandered down to the hem of his jeans. Jesper flinched as Luka's hands started to wander around the skin just above his boxers. That's when the mouth and hands stopped._

_Luka asked something Jesper had never even expected Luka to have the decency to ask, "Do you want this?"_

_Jesper lied, nodding his head, as his eyes looked everywhere but Luka. That's when he felt the pressure that was on his hips being lifted and his hair started to get played with. "I guess I know why you were always sick whenever we beat you guys."_

_Jesper's brain didn't work, but luckily Alfonso's did, "You picked him to do this before?"_

_Luka's face scrunched and focused his eyes on Jesper, who was moving into a sitting position, "You didn't lie about being sick?"_

_"No," Jesper shook his head, "We-we didn't know this happened until less than an hour ago. They never told us anything about this."_

_Luka's eyes widened as he looked at Alfonso, silently questioning if he was hearing everything right, and got a nod as a response. "Do you guys even know what this is called?" Luka asked._

_"This thing has a name?" Alfonso questioned as he made his way over to Jesper, trying to fix his friend's hair the best he could._

"Winner's Choice," Sergen finished the second part of the story for him, getting a bit too excited about knowing where the story was going then he should. 

Jesper smiled, "I wonder how you could have known that?" They both laughed. 

"I have a few questions if you don't mind," Sergen pointed out, not wanting to push Jesper too far, but the Dane's nod gave Sergen all the confirmation he needed. "First question, what happened with the rest of G2?"

"Honestly, I have no idea, all I know is that Luka said he would take care of it, and he did. Nobody outside the three of us ever even brought up that night again," Jesper answered.

"Okay, I'm not sure if you know this or not, but why did Mithy go back? It sounded like you guys had a bad fallout, so I'm just curious as to why," Sergen's curious eyes were staring at his hands as his fingers played with each other. 

"I had that question too," Jesper explained, putting his hand on Sergen's shoulder, making the smaller turn his head away from his hands, "But he was never as mad at them for what they did. And plus Alfonso was always too nice, he would forgive someone for murder if they gave him puppy dog eyes and a frown. I guess I'm just not as forgiving."

"I don't think I would forgive them either," Sergen said. If he had gone through everything that Jesper had, he wouldn't have gone back. If there was one thing Sergen couldn't stand it was when the people closest to him lied. 

"Anything else you're curious about?" Jesper asked, wanting to make sure Sergen had the story figured out so he could continue. 

Sergen paused for a minute, before giving in, "Well, I have one more kinda personal question that you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Are you gay?"

It was now Jesper's turn to pause. He legitimately had no idea how to answer it. So he was only an innocent bystander as words spilled out of his mouth, "I've tried for so long to push that side of me down, focus on everything else but relationships to the point where I don't know. I don't know if I could like guys after what he did to me, I don't know if I could ever have sex again after everything. I can't even tell you who I find attractive because all I can see when I think of anything is his stupid pretty eyes and his idiotically perfect hair. I wouldn't be surprised if I was gay, I honestly wouldn't, but I just can't even imagine me in any type of relationship ever again. It just makes me panic," Jesper finished, taking a breath for the first time since he had started talking. 

"It's okay," Sergen squeezed one of Jesper's hands and drew circles on it with his thumb, "You don't have to know. You can wait to figure all of that stuff out. Take your time, and if you don't want to finish you don't have to." Sergen's voice calmed the tsunamis in Jesper's mind.

"No, I want to tell you about him," Jesper replied as he closed his eyes and got ready for all the images that would come, "I need to tell you about Rekkles."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, guess who the major antagonist is? Hint: it was already said XD Sorry any Rekkles fangirls, but all I'm saying is that I could highkey see him as someone who is kinda aggressive that played when Zven did. Anyway, I think it kinda fits in with their rivalry and shit. Hope you enjoyed, comment what you thought!


	3. Reckless Kings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually posted this within a week, and I'm really proud of myself for keeping with the deadline. This chapter is much longer and much more graphic than I thought it would be. So read at your own risk. 
> 
> Warnings: Rape/Non-con

"I was lucky the first few splits on G2. We won, a lot, but the last split I played with them, we started to drop games. Most teams didn't really care about me too much since Luka is an overconfident asshole who people like to put his mouth to better use, but I guess one team really wanted me. I didn't know why, maybe Enrique or Paul told them about how innocent I was, maybe they just wanted revenge on me for beating them. Whatever it was, Fnatic was the only team to pick me," Jesper sighed, taking a breath to try to quell the images of hands tearing at his clothing, entangling in his hair, pulling him down to a place where he didn't want to go.

Sergen squeezed Jesper's hand making him jump a bit since he forgot they were even touching, "Sorry, you really don't have to go into details, I already could guess what happened."

Jesper shook his head, "I never told anybody exactly what happened, I couldn't think about this for the longest time, but I think I'm finally able to tell someone what they did to me."

_They lost, and to Fnatic of all people. That was not how any of them wanted week two to go. If it was another team they might have been less annoyed, but they couldn't help but be irritated as they started to review the series with Joey. They didn't play the best, that was understandable, but at least they managed to take game two off of them, not giving Fnatic the satisfaction of sweeping them._

_That night as Jesper finished his last game of duo queue with Alfonso, Luka came up to them. His hand was death gripping his phone, while his eyes never left the ground._

_"Don't worry Luka," Alfonso laughed, "We'll 2-0 'em next time, and you can have sex with Rekkles on your own terms."_

_Jesper's snicker was quickly silenced by Luka's eyes interlocking with his. They looked as though he was at a funeral, trying his best to keep his emotions inside, but utterly failing, "I'm sorry, I thought you'd be safe here, I thought that we would never lose, I'm so sorry."_

_That was the first time Luka every seriously apologized to anyone in front of either of them, and that's when it hit Jesper, "They picked me."_

_Luka nodded as Alfonso screamed, "No, I'm not going to let that happen, I won't. They can take me, for fuck's sake they can take both of us Luka, but they are not taking him. I don't care about this fucking tradition, I'm not-"_

_"Alfonso," whispered Jesper softly, nearly incoherently, "Let me go, I, I can handle myself."_

_Alfonso was still shaking his head, "Jesper you don't even have sex when we win and pick people, what makes you think you can handle anything Fnatic will do to you since we all know they are kinky fucking bastards."_

_"In all fairness, have you heard the rumors about Splyce? I hear they are into some pretty fun-"_

_"Luka, stop talking about your fantasies of having a kinky orgy with Splyce," Alfonso exasperatedly said "Are you forgetting about how Jesper was picked, and we aren't going to let him go anywhere near Fnatic? Even if I have to tie you up and lock you in your room, I will. You are not going near them."  
_

_"Okay," Jesper sighed, tired of the arguing. He had another plan anyway._

_"Good, now don't stay up too late, I'm going to shower, we'll talk about this in the morning," Alfonso released his breath as he walked out of the room._

_"Yes, mom," Jesper and Luka yelled in sync._

_As soon as Alfonso left the gaming room, and he heard a door close, Jesper motioned for Luka to sit, "I'm going, it can't be that bad, but Fonso can't know. I have no doubt he would lock me in my room if he found out."_

_Luka's eyes widened, "Are you sure? Jesper, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want this. Like Alfonso said, we can just offer two of us over, that way you won't have to-"  
_

_Jesper shook his head, "No, this is tradition, and I don't want to think about what breaking the tradition would mean. It's Fnatic, it's not like they don't have any influence over people, they have all the influence. I won't let you guys suffer because of something I refuse to do."  
_

_"Is that what you said the night you almost slept with me?"_

_Jesper sighed, "Something like that."_

_Luka shook his head, "I don't want you to do this, I really don't. You don't have to worry about us, everyone here will survive whatever Fnatic throw at us."_

_"You shouldn't have to only survive," Jesper paused and took a breath, "I'm doing this, tell them that I'll be there tomorrow. Luka, I'm doing this with or without your help."_

_"I know," Luka said, as he started to roll his chair back and forth, "That's why I'm going to try to teach you as much as I can in the time we have."  
_

_"Welcome to sex ed Jesper."_

-*-

_Jesper couldn't stop tapping his fingers on his knee as he stared out of the window of the taxi that Luka had called for him. They had just eaten, and Alfonso was in his post-lunch food coma as Jesper tried his best to relax and not give his plan away. Luckily, Luka was good at distracting(annoying) Alfonso to the point where he couldn't even think about anything but punching his teammate in the face._

_Jesper tried his best to comfort himself, thinking about how it couldn't be that bad. They would never do anything to purposefully hurt him, Paul wouldn't let them do that. Sure they had a small falling out, but they didn't hate each other, and if the position was reversed, Jesper would never even think of doing anything to Paul. That might just be the virgin in him talking though._

_Fnatic's apartment building was in no way small. If it wasn't for the very detailed instructions Luka had sent him Jesper would have definitely gotten lost. As he pushed the button to get to Fnatic's floor is hands started to shake slightly. Jesper buried them in the pockets of his hoodie, not allowing any sign of his nervousness to be seen as he knocked on the door._

_Paul opened it. He didn't say a word as he took Jesper's hand and led him through what he presumed to be the living room to the back of the apartment, into a pretty Fnatic themed room filled with pictures, banners, and other memorabilia._

_Jesper tried his best to keep his breath even as Paul locked the door behind him, and turned around, face blank, pushing Jesper onto the bed. Jesper couldn't help but think of Luka as he tried his best to tame Paul's lips. He tried his best to remember what Luka had taught him, opening his mouth slightly and licking over Paul's bottom lip. Jesper almost forgot what it was like to nearly gag on a tongue, something that he was not too keen on remembering. Paul seemed to enjoy having his tongue halfway down Jesper's throat while he started to run his hands through Jesper's hair._

_Jesper had to pull away to catch his breath, which Paul shockingly didn't seem to care about since they were only split apart for a second before their lips were once again together. Jesper officially hated french kissing, but he still allowed Paul to push his tongue into his mouth once again. This time though, one of Paul's hands wandered down to Jesper's side where one of his hands was, grabbed it and put it on his very prominent erection. It took a lot of effort for Jesper to not pull away, but instead massage Paul through his pants._

_Thankfully, Paul pulled away, allowing Jesper to catch his breath. "I know you never did this before, so I'll be nice. You only have to give me a hand job," Paul was now pulling down his sweats and boxers._

_It was only a handjob, that wasn't that bad. Jesper tried his best to not look as though he was about to have very public sex, but for the life of him, he couldn't relax. He took a deep breath, but before he could let his breath out, Paul's lips were once again on his mouth. If his career wasn't on the line, he would have smacked Paul and left, but instead, he grabbed his cock, trying to follow Luka's tip of making them cum as quickly as possible._

_Jesper squeezed Paul and got an approving hum out of the older. He tried his best to pretend that he was just jerking himself off, and not another person, which was much harder to do since Paul was very aggressive with his mouth and hands, pulling Jesper's hair and making him tilt his head up for better access to his throat. That made Jesper focus even more on making Paul cum, making sure to focus on the tip of Paul's cock since it was the most sensitive. He swiped his thumb, wiping precum over his tip to try to use it as some sort of lube. Whatever he was doing seemed to work, since Paul pulled out of his mouth. Although Jesper was now allowed to breathe, Paul's hand in his hair tightened as he got closer. One final swipe across Paul's tip was all it took for him to cum with a quiet grown into Jesper's hand._

_Jesper looked at his hand, not able to look at Paul after what he had just done. Apparently, Paul wasn't much of a talker after cuming as he silently pulled up his sweats and boxers before leaving the room. Jesper couldn't see any tissues in the room, and he didn't want to have Paul on his hand anymore, so he just wiped his hand on the sheets, hoping that nobody would notice._

_Jesper sat up, trying his best to fix his hair that was very visibly a mess from all the hair pulling that he did not appreciate. "I know, Paul has always been into pulling hair, but it is never the best when you have more people to please," Jesiz made Jesper jump._

_The door was already closed, and he was only in his boxers, making Jesper wonder how long he was standing there. "Sorry, to scare you, I would never mean to do anything to harm my little princess."_

_'No, not doing it,' was Jesper's initial thought when he heard the nickname the support had given him. Jesper was most certainly not into hearing princess in the bedroom on either side of the kink. He had to do it though, and since Jesiz seemed really into it, maybe not glaring every time he was called princess would make the process a lot faster._

_Jesiz's lips were much gentler than Pauls'. They treated him like he was made of glass and that every moment should be cherished with him. He honestly did not mind Jesiz's lips on his and even pushed forward a bit once he had gotten used to the soft lips. He much preferred this type of kissing._

_The perfectly fine makeout session was ruined as soon as Jesiz opened his mouth, "Does princess want to help daddy with his cock, those lips would look so perfect wrapped around me." That is when Jesper remembered that he couldn't just continue gently kissing Jesiz forever._

_The support pulled down his boxers, and Jesper was grateful that he was allowed to go at his own pace. He tentatively wrapped his hand around Jesiz's cock, hopefully getting him somewhat close before he had to put his mouth anywhere near the other man as he closed the distance between their lips. The once gentle kisser turned ferocious the more Jesper continued to play with Jesiz's cock._

_"Come on princess, enough playing, I want to feel those beautiful lips around me," Jesper paused, there was no way he could possibly get himself out of doing it. So, he took a breath and placed his lips only around the tip of Jesiz's cock, his hand slowly jerking off everything that was not in his mouth. Jesper was not a fan, but he tried his best to manipulate his tongue and focus on the tip like Luka suggested so that he could get everybody else over with._

_"You're making daddy feel so good princess, your tongue is so good," Jesiz groaned as Jesper kept swirling his tongue over his tip. "I'm getting close princess," Jesper could tell by the hands in his hair that he would only last a minute at the most, so he removed his mouth and started to jerk Jesiz off with two hands, one wrapped around his shaft, the other on his tip._

_Jesper felt Jesiz twitching under him, but before he could react his face was pushed right into Jesiz's cock right as he came. Jesper did not appreciate that whatsoever There was a small strip of cum not even an inch away from his right eye, and if he had gotten it in there, that would have been the end of the day, because Jesper would have been arrested for murder._

_"You look so pretty, princess," Jesiz laughed as he pulled up his boxers and left the room._

_Jesper grumbled, "I'm going to kill him," as he wiped his face on the sheets, making sure not to look in the mirror beforehand. He did not want to see himself at the moment. Even though he knew that most of the cum was on the sheets, Jesper couldn't help but have an itching urge to sneak out of the room and wash his face off, but that was when Broxah walked in._

_Of course, he was shirtless. If Jesper was that buff, he would constantly walk around without a shirt on. That made Jesper very aware that he was still clothed, something that Jesper had not expected after already going through two people. He had no idea if it was a normal occurrence or not, but he was happy either way. Jesper wasn't out of shape, but in no way was he Broxah._

_The jungler walked over to him, cupping his cheek and dragged his thumb over Jesper's bottom lip, slightly parting it. Broxah smiled as he pulled Jesper over to the edge of the bed. He pulled down his shorts and boxers to reveal his half hard dick. Jesper barely had time to take a breath before his head was pulled forward. Jesper let out a muffled shriek as he was forced onto Broxah's cock. Out of every Fnatic member, Jesper expected Broxah to be the gentlest;  he was wrong._

_Jesper was in tears as he was forced to take Broxah deeper than he wanted or could handle. His hands gripped Broxah's hips and were the only reason he hadn't collapsed. When Broxah started to thrust into Jesper's mouth tears started to slide down Jesper's face as he was barely able to breathe. He tried his best to follow Luka's advice and breathe through his nose at a steady pace, but that was much more difficult than it initially sounded now that Jesper's face was currently being fucked by someone that was of above average size._

_As more time past, the more unsteady Jesper's airflow was to the point where he thought that he was going to pass out. He was just banking on the fact that Broxah wouldn't last longer than his consciousness. Even then he wouldn't be surprised if the jungler didn't stop his brutal pace. Just as black dots started to dance around the edges of Jesper's vision he felt a bitter liquid forcing itself down his throat. J_ _esper tried to pull away, but strong hands kept him in place._

_When the hands finally let go of his hair, Jesper pushed away and started coughing. He tried his best to breathe, but every time he opened his mouth it seemed like the air couldn't reach past his throat. Broxah silently left Jesper on the bed coughing, trying his best to not pass out, after all, he was more than halfway done._

_Jesper tried his best to get himself together as he waited for the next person to come in. He couldn't help himself from looking in the mirror, and he hated what he saw. His eyes were red and slightly swollen, matching his lips. His hair was in all different directions, but Jesper didn't care enough to fix it. He didn't have the energy to._

_"Looks like they all did a number on you," Rekkles said, his eyes soft as he came to sit on the bed. He looked Jesper up and down and started to wipe the tears from his eyes that still remained. "They can be quite rough, and selfish. I mean look at you, you didn't even get off yet," Jesper's own erection hadn't even crossed his mind as he worked on all the others. He never thought that he would be able to get any enjoyment out of having sex with Fnatic, "I guess I have to change that, and just so you know," Rekkles' kind smile changed into a smirk, his eyes that were once open and caring narrowed, "If they made you let out a few tears, I'm going to make you bawl while screaming my name."_

_Jesper's mouth hung open as Rekkles pinned him to the mattress, a hand on his neck as he forced his mouth open with his tongue. Jesper didn't want this, every part of him screamed to get Rekkles to stop, but no matter how much he tried to push, he stayed on top of him._

_When the hand around his throat finally retracted Jesper scratched out, "Please don't do this," as Rekkles pulled Jesper's hoodie over his head and took his own shirt off as well._

_"What would be the fun in that?" the hand encircled his throat once again, and with one hand Rekkles collected Jesper's wrists and pinned them above his head. He couldn't move, and all of his pleas were muffled by the tongue down his throat. Jesper tried to think of anything else, but all he could think about was how this was it. He was going to lose his virginity to an absolute psychopath against his will._

_Rekkles didn't have the patience to deal with Jesper's constant pushing, so he got up, one hand still squeezing one of Jesper's wrists to the point where it was slowly turning into a shade of grey while he got supplies from his dresser since they were in his room. He pulled out a coil of rope, wrapping it around Jesper's wrists than a black piece of cloth that was used as a gag to keep Jesper's pleas at bay._

_"I know you're a virgin, Enrique told me everything, and even now, I still hear the rumors of you never having any fun after you win," his pants and boxers were pulled down in one rough motion, cold hands making Jesper flinch as they grabbed at every inch of his body that they wanted. Jesper tried to say stop, tried to kick Rekkles, but the other was stronger than him, and he was so so tired._

_Rekkles was now pulling his own pants down, "This is why I made the others go before me, to get you just enough tired to the point where you won't fight it. I told everyone that they could only have you get them off, that you could have no pleasure," two dry fingers were stuck into him making him squeeze his eyes shut and let out a pained groan. "Hey, I'm being nice. I could just fuck you with no prep at all."_

_Jesper stayed quiet and fell into his own mind. He tried to think of anything except the stinging sensation that was running through his whole body as the fingers started to move. He subconsciously pulled at the rope that locked his hands together, trying to find any way out, but there wasn't._

_Too quickly the fingers were removed from him and replaced with something bigger, and Jesper screamed through the gag. He thrashed, trying to get away, but it just made the pain worse. An all too familiar hand was around his throat, stopping him from making any movements besides those that were made for him._

_Jesper couldn't process what was happening, he refused to believe that everything was real, that it was all just a dream. He would wake up, and everything would be fine. He heard a crash, but it sounded so distant as if it was in another reality. His eyes rolled back as his lungs struggled to get any oxygen past the hand around his throat._

-*-

_Jesper woke up to something cool and wet being rubbed across his stomach, his eyes widened in pain as he moved away from whoever was on the other side of the bed. "Fuck," he let out as he collapsed onto the bed, shutting his eyes._

_"Hey, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. Is it okay if I clean you up?" The voice was soft and made Jesper want to trust whoever it belonged to, but he couldn't help have flashbacks to Rekkles' kind words right before ruining him._

_"How-how do I know it won't end up the same?" Jesper spoke, his jaw sore from the gag that he now noticed was gone. The rope was also no longer present around his wrists either. Jesper slowly lifted his hands so they were above his face, and inspected the bright red burns with little blood droplets._

_The voice spoke again, "I was going to try to help put some stuff on that, but I didn't want to wake you up."_

_Jesper than looked at who he was talking too, Caps. He was wearing Fnatic gear and his hair was messy, but when wasn't it? Jesper couldn't help but relax as the younger slowly wiped the rag he had across his chest, the coolness of the water battling with the heat radiating off of Jesper. He closed his eyes, and let Caps wash over him for a decent amount of time. Something about the gentle way the cloth was pulled across his body made Jesper want to fall asleep, especially when he gently started to wipe the mixture of cum and tears from his face._

_"Do you think you can sit up for a little bit? I want to try to help with the burns," Caps said as he pulled out what Jesper could only assume to be disinfectant._

_Jesper cringed as pain shot up his spine as he moved. He tried to look as nonchalant as possible but failed miserably._

_"Sorry, you only have to sit up for a little bit, I just want to make sure I can get all of your wrists," Jesper nodded as Caps poured the disinfectant, making Jesper close his eyes as the liquid stung his skin._

_Caps sighed gently, "It's okay, the pain will only last a little longer, and I already messaged your team so they could pick you up. Do you need me to help you get dressed?"_ _Jesper nodded immediately, he could barely sit up by himself. This started the long process of Caps trying to move Jesper around gently enough so that he could put his boxers and jeans on with as little pain as possible. Jesper even managed to slip his shirt on by himself, with only a little pain when the fabric brushed against his burns._

_"I'm sorry that I can't do more, but I have to go. Will you be able to get out of  here without me?" Jesper wasn't sure but he still nodded, he didn't want to risk getting Caps in trouble after he had already done so much for him._

_"Thank you."_

Sergen's arms were wrapped around Jesper's shoulders as silent tears left the older's eyes. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know what to think. He was horrified that Jesper had managed to keep a secret like that for so long. All Sergen knew was that he was not going to let Jesper go back there. He was not going to let anyone hurt Jesper ever again. Sergen was going to protect him with everything in him. 

"Do you, do you want to hear the rest of it?" Jesper barely managed to get out his quivering lip. 

"You told me every-" Sergen stopped midsentence since Jesper pulled away and shook his head.

Jesper took a shaky breath and this time he actually reached out for Sergen's hand, "We lost to them twice that split."

Sergen had forgotten about that detail, "They did that to you twice? How could your team let that happen?"

"Well, there were some differences," Jesper pulled down his sweatpants slightly to reveal a giant, jagged scar running across his hip. Sergen gasped as Jesper continued, "And I snuck out again. When they picked me again our house was practically on lockdown, but then I started getting messages from Rekkles saying that if I didn't go through with their pick they would destroy all of our careers."

"How did-" Sergen didn't even finish, still staring at the harsh scar that tore its way through Jesper's perfect, pale skin.

Jesper sighed, now lying down as the tears on his face slowly began to pick up the pace, "I-I guess I broke a lamp the first time I was there, and Rekkles wasn't happy with me. He cut me more, but they-they were only thin ones."

Sergen lay down and pulled Jesper into him. Jesper's long limbs curled around the shorter as his head buried into Sergen's neck. Somehow Jesper, who towered over Sergen, seemed so small. 

Sergen rubbed Jesper's back while humming a song that he hadn't heard in so long but still knew every word, to try to soothe the older. As Jesper calmed down, the humming turned into singing, "You've got it all, you lost your mind in the sound. There's so much more, you can reclaim your crown. You're in control, rid of the monsters inside your head. Put all your faults to bed. You can be king again." Jesper fell asleep and dreamed of a quiet kingdom ruled by a problematic blonde, and a short brunette who would never leave his side no matter how hard he was pushed away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about adding another chapter without flashbacks with just BB and Zven talking(maybe another certain TSM member too), but I really like how this ends(who knows maybe I'll write it). I honestly thought this was going to be a really short story(5k max), but none of my stories are like that. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and if you are curious as to what the song is that BB sang, here's a link to it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dS5GfL9F7L4 This song reminds me of Zven so much and makes me wish I could edit/animate. Check out the song, it's really amazing!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, I sure enjoyed writing it. Comment what you thought!


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